Awake & Alive

She rescued me. She pulled me out of a dreary slumber. Not to sound vain, it was the inverse to sleeping beauty. I being the “damsel in distress” and she the heroine. Her sincerity and gentleness were the kisses that woke me from that sleep. That slumber was brought on by stagnation, slothfulness, and losing sight of the high call on my life. Saints of God, He will send you refuge right when you’re about to take a plunge into the abyss.

Samantha was just that.

I have spent nearly a decade in prison for a tragic and brutal murder of a young man of God. It was a murder that I did not commit, but because of the harsh and unjust laws of our country, I was held accountable. As the years went by, I worked on improving the broken man I had become.

I got deep in the church, but ineffective for the Lord.

My walk with Christ became something of a habit, not a willful desire to be about my Fathers business. I faked the funk, continuing to keep up appearances. I knew when to say Amen, Hallelujah, and Praise God in conversation with members of the light. Inside, I grew dim.

See, faith without follow-up is like a drug. You begin to chase that high. Do you remember that moment when God touched your heart through His Holy Spirit? It was a weightless, peaceful comfort that consumed my entire being. There is only one word to describe it-exquisite!

That feeling had eluded me for so long. Then Samantha came into my life.

The first time I saw her I experienced what Elizabeth, who was pregnant with John the Baptist, experienced when she encountered Mary. Mary was also with child, our Lord Jesus. When Mary greeted Elizabeth the babe in her leaped for joy and she was instantly filled with the Holy Spirit. (Luke 1:41)

When I first laid eyes on Samantha my Spirit rejoiced for God at the sight of light inside her. She was carrying that blessed hope of glory.

After the Christian festival we began courting one another through letters. Writing to her was so freeing. She allowed me to be vulnerable and open up to her. We explored each others pasts, examined our present ambitions, and looked into the hopes for our future.

Each of her letters were so passionate. Samantha wrote with such grace and elegance. Her words were inspiring, bringing out of me passion I thought was lost. Passion was something I forced myself to suppress. I hid it for so long.

Writing seemed to capture the true essence of our feelings. In writing my wife I have discovered things about myself, not all good either.

My wife and I have a “truth moment” section that we use from time to time in our letters. It allows us to be completely vulnerable and reflect on things we’ve said, thought, or done. This is an area where there is no judgment,  only understanding and healing. It’s an area where we can open up and expose ourselves for who we really are, exposing parts of ourselves we’ve hidden from others. It’s a place we fall forward toward one another, and the Lord, in prayer.

We have reached places through our writing that we could never reach in oral conversation.

Our love transcends all things physical. It embraces the Spiritual connection; the place we first fell in love.


One thought on “Awake & Alive

  1. Thank you for being so transparent ….God wants us all to be open to His Light..then we can be open to one another…He has the words to eternal life.Bless you Jacob…may God grant you the desires of your heart
    Te amo abuela 😊


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